Jul. 30, 2022

IT'S ABOUT TIME

These words are in my head and I have carried around with me for quite awhile. I am a little frustrated this morning and maybe just enough pissed off to speak the truth! I cannot remember the name of the radio jockey that used to have callers call in with things that were discussed that chapped their hide.

I turned 64 years old a few days ago. I am old school and proud of it. Things were a lot different back then and in many ways much better. I cannot open a door to a gas station or the mall without looking behind me to hold the door for anyone coming up behind me. The reason I know to do this is that is those manners were taught to me as I was growing up.

I listened to it a few times but usually went to a different channel. I chose to listen to music or better yet things that were positive or upbeat. So at the risk of being whinny myself , I would like to share something with you you may have never thought about or learned.

Not long ago, I was at a wedding and I was talking to someone and I shook hands with another as they passed by. I thought to myself my parents would pull my ears and give me an earful for not standing when I greet another. It is ingrained and I was trained and it stays with you. I almost always arise to the occasion as I greet a new patient showing respect whether is an elderly person or a seven year old. Often a patient will stand as they greet me and even though

If I am walking up to door and the young person opens it and slithers through like a snake, I want to grab the back of their shirt and give the the' what for' speech. I have come to learn that it is not their fault! They were not taught this back home and I wonder what else the internet and Facebook has failed to teach them.

I never met their folks, when they rise I know they were raised right.

When I first learned to play golf a guy yelled at me as I was walking while another was putting. My tall and long shadow passed over the hole and his line . I was embarrassed and felt stupid ! I was taught one of golf's not to do's in such a way it still chaps my hide. That day and that way tells me grabbing the kid is not the way to teach or reach. Maybe if you feel these words are worthy and grab you, we can share with others in a more gentle way.

Even if they do call in a few minutes before, it still robs us of income and even worse a spot that could have been used to help another.

I have thrown a few warm up pitches to set you up for a fast ball right at your head! I am shocked at the number of people who will make appointments at medical practices and not show up. They do not have a clue how rude and selfish this is. They have take a very choice chunks of time from people who make their living with them. This spot has been saved for them and kept others from getting seen that day and they don't use it or call in to let us know.

I really feel they have no idea how this works where I work. Not long ago I heard an elderly lady complain how rich and greedy doctors are these days. They book so many patient and of course kept her waiting. This of course chapped her hide. I tried to explain that if everyone would show, it would be a perfect world . We could stay on schedule and there would be far less stress for patients and medical staff as well. We know that some will not keep their word. I need you to read that sentence one more time. What? My word? There was the fastball. Blew it right past your eyes.

The last time you made a eye appt you gave us your word. We put your name on a valuable spot. In my eyes, it was your word saying you would be there at that time and date. We put it there in good faith that you would would keep your word and ours as well as we saved it for you. The bible says God abhors (look up that word) the man who does not keep his word. If you are one of these, my prayer is that this really chaps your hide. Somebody should have tanned yours and fixed this long ago. if no one ever taught you this I apologize to you and I apologize and stand corrected but so do you from now on.

I grew up in a home that did not know the rules of golf but I was taught this and many other things. I hope this will be passed on and along to my grandkids and who knows maybe yours. I give every person out there who uses an appointment book and sells time before the service(clockwork) my permission to make a copy of this. We should put it up on the wall and maybe even send to chronic no shows.

As long as I am laying all the cards on the table , I want to share this. I have been checking eyes for 37 plus years and have found preachers and people who profess to be followers of Jesus and their families are perhaps the worst! They are not bad folks they just do not know what they do! They are God fearing folks and would never walk in a bank or any place of business and take even a dime. They have never been taught this is liking walking in an office and taking two hundred dollars away from that cash drawer. It was to be used to pay the staff wages bonuses and such which if affecting many indirectly by their lack of integrity. I cannot remember a time in my life where heard a preacher discuss this from the pulpit. I think it is about time.

I have had things come up and had to cancel appointments myself at the last minute. Things come up and life brings many surprises . There are good excuses but there or just way too many people who over commit to their own appt book and lives. Every time this has happened, I call in and offer to pay for it even thought I did not show. I had only one ever ask me to do this and I did. Once in awhile a patient will call and apologize to my girls and offer to do the same. I have never asked them to do this but it shows me we they were raised right!

Bob Seger

I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.

The best thing you can give your children , next to good habits , are good memories.

Sydney J. Harris

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

Daniel J. Boorstin

Nothing speaks louder or more powerful than a life of integrity.

Charles Swindoll

Showing up is 80% of life .

Woody Allen

David Jeremiah

The irony of truth is that the greater potential of offense , the greater it's potential of giving hope.


                                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                     RED OR GREEN

                                                                                                                                                 


                                                       During an eye exam, one of the tests used is the red /green test. We put up a chart                                               with letters. The left side of the chart is red, and the right side is green We ask the                                               patient which side seems clearer. If you say red it tells us to add minus lenses. If                                                    you say green, we need to add plus lenes. We do this until both sides seem equal and                                         this a good starting point as we head into the exam.


                                     This story happened about 20 years ago. I was early December and Christmas was a                                          few weeks away. I was doing this test on a 7-year little girl. She was a great                                                             responder and breezed right through.  I was ready to move on to the next test when                                          she asked me if she could ask me a question. I said, 'Sure honey.' She asked,' Do you                                            always use red and green for this test or you just doing that because it is almost                                                  Christmas? 


                                     During a normal day, I will do this very same test 20-30 times depending on the

                                     roster. Every time I do this little test, I think of that little girl. To this day, she is the                                             only one whoever asked me if the colors were part of a seasonal theme. 


                                     On a side note, I have found that no matter what I do, I cannot get Purdue people to                                           pick the red side of the chart no matter what I do.



























                                                      

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                                                                                                                  SO SURPRISED



                                                    At the office we have a large toy box in the waiting room. Kid like to open it and play with

                                        with the toys and we have both little boy and little girl favorites. My wife and I raised 3 

                                        boys. I am pretty good at replacing damaged boy toys. I never raised little girls and often will                                                look to my staff for suggestions. I turn red when I go to pay for them. I want the cashier to know                                            they are not for me, and I know they could care less.


                                        We also have a surprise box. We often use it to bribe the kids to go with the program and allow u                                           us to do the needed testing. This works quite well most of the time. Often when I start to see                                                  fear in their eyes, I will ask if they like surprises. Usually, their eyes light up and I believe I could                                            get them to run through a brick wall after they learn about the 3 surprises for good behavior.


                                       One time I used this to motivate a little guy, and I asked if he likes surprises. HE hesitated a few                                             seconds. He had a very serious look on his face. He asked, 'Is it a good surprise of a bad surprise.'

                                       I will never forget his response. I was so surprised. He was so young, but life had already taught                                           him that not all surprises are good.


                                                                   KIDDING A KID                                                                                                                                                       


         

                                                 One morning I was checking the eyes of a young girl. I would guess her to be about seven years old. 

                                          Her mom was in the exam chair and her sat in one of the gray chairs behind me. She was very well behaved

                                          and yes, if you are wondering if you are wondering if I bribed her. Some kids play games on their mom's                                                    phone. Others play with baby dolls or toys they brought with them. This little girl was watching every move                                            I made.

                                         

                                            I knew the young mother for a long time. I took out the O scope and look at her retinas. I was up in her face

                                           observing the health in the back of her eyes. I winked at the mom and told her front eyes were indeed                                                       fine but now I needed to check the eyes in the back of her head.  She smiled and I went behind her and                                                     lifted up her hair in the back and then went around to do the same thing for the left side. We both were                                                   looking at the little girl, and she was sitting there with her mouth so wide open we could have popped a                                                   candy bar in her mouth sideways.

                                     

                                        After we chucked a little. I did not tell the little one we were pulling her leg. I told mom she could tell her on                                            the way home we were just kidding. On the other hand, I told her she could get a lot of milage out of this 

                                        if she played her cards right.


                                                                                             NO SH_T?


 At least once a week, we will have a patient call in telling us they have blood in their eye.

They are very worried and want to be seen. These are usually not serious because they have blood on their eye and not in it. A blood vessel will burst and will have blood on the white part of the eye.

This is called a sub conjunctiva hemorrhage. They can occur secondarily from sneezing, coughing, vomiting, and over from exertion. Women often get this as they are giving birth. In really extreme case they can last 10-14 days. As I explain this, I am setting on a small chair rolling around on a large plastic mat. I explain if I would put a small drop of blood on the mat and another mat on top of the bottom. It would look like 5 gallons of blood but really is a tiny drop squished out.

The cells in the white part of the eye are some of the most tightly compressed cells in the human body. It is usually harmless but looks bad. It alarms the patient and worries onlookers even more.

I have taught my girls this and they have heard me explain these many times.

years ago, I had a dandy as I came into work. All 3 of my girls looked at me and one asked what is going on. I said,' I am constipated.' My assistant said, No sh__t?' I said, exactly.'

If one did not know they might have thought, we had rehearsed this gig. We had a good laugh and again shows sometimes life is better than television. 





                                                               SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT


I had something weird happen several years ago. I had a patient who had a very bad eye infection in his left eye.  The eye was as red as a firetruck, and he was in a lot of pain and discomfort. I am a pretty big guy. When I popped into the room I saw a mountain of a man. I am not sure, but I think he could hold me upside down and could shake the change out of my pockets!


I greeted him and as usual made a little small talk. I then began to ask him questions about his eye. As he explained he was pointing to his left eye but kept referring to it as his right eye. One could tell from across the street the eye with the issue was his left. I said," You keep pointing at your left eye, but you keep calling it your right eye. I just want to make sure we are on the same page."

He took offense to my correction. He said, Doc, do you think I am so dumb I cannot tell my right eye from my left. "I wanted to hold up my hand as if in class and say pick me, pick me. I knew the answer to his question.


I explained that I was not there to argue with him. I knew what to do as long as we agree on which   eye needs treatment. He pointed again at his left eye and said," Just fix my right eye." I gave him the meds he needed and instructed him to return if the problem should remain or worsen. He never thanked me and walked right out the door or left depending on how you want to look at it. He has never been back, and I doubt I will never see him again. I am sure he thinks I am a big idiot,  and I can assure you, the feeling is mutual.



                                                                                                              

                                                          HILLBILLY WISDOM



I had a young man come see me on a Saturday morning. He was going through the academy to be a

Indiana State Trooper. He was first in his class in intelligence. He was again at the top of his class in ability to perform the physical tasks required. His weakness was that in shooting he was the bottom of his class. He told me that he could not hit the broad side of a barn.


I soon learned that there were no barns around where he grew up. He was a city boy, and his dad did not shoot or hunt and he had no training. At the school he was doing everything they taught him, but it did not seem to help. This young man had perfect vision with 20/2O in both eyes. He could see well but was perplexed why he could not shoot well. 


I asked him to look though my hillbilly telescope. I handed him a roll of paper towels that was about half full. I asked him to hold it up to his eye and look at the stature of a horse head across the room. He held it up to his left eye. This young man was holding the pistol in his right hand was closing his left eye. In other words, he was shooting at a target that was not where he thought it was. I am surprised the instructor missed this. 


While we are being formed in our mother's womb (Psalm 139), the wires from our brain to our eyes are being connected. The brain always has a favorite! I often ask patients during an exam which hand they favor. Ninety percent a righty will favor their right. That is also the case for southpaws. However, ten percent of the time the favor the opposite eye. This is called cross dominance.


This soon to be trooper was young but still too old to learn how to shoot left-handed. I showed him a little trick and the easiest way to deal with this is to realize his aim will always be off but just to allow for it. His solution was just to envision the target three inches to the left and always aim there.

His right eye was giving him false information. It was lying to him. I felt blessed to be able to help him achieve his goal and he went on to become a very good shot.


I would think a few of you out there know this. I would bet that most never have given this any thought. Yet right now are wondering which eye brain favors. Let's take a shot at it. Look at object across the room. Keep both eyes open and point at it with your index finger. It does not matter which hand or index finger you use. The one that is still spot on is your dominant eye. Close the other eye and you will be surprised how far you are off.


                                         Aim at Heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and 

                                         will get neither.                                     C.S. Lewis




                                                                                      THE SAME BOAT                                             


Our oldest son, Joshua, is a naval aviator. I had a young girl about age seven in the exam chair. One of her parents had shared with her that he was a pilot and was able to land his jet on a floating runway called an aircraft carrier.


She was intrigued by his profession and asked me several questions. For her young age, I was impressed by her questions. I needed to get on with the exam but was enjoying answering them as best I could. When she came in, he was on an aircraft carrier on the other side of the world. He was flying into and over hostile enemy territory.


Sometimes we could talk via email. He would tell us he has several flights all in the same day. He would ask us to pray not just for him, but all involved on the mission. Then the ship would go" midnight" and we could not reach him or hear from him for several days. A parent's heart can go crazy at times like this. I think all loving parents are in the same boat in this regard. I did not think my hair could get any grayer, but I was mistaken.


This little girl pierced right through my armor and office game face when she launched a question that took me by surprise. I was able to keep my composure but think I must have looked like I had swallowed a goldfish. She asked me if he was able to fly back to our house and sleep in his own bed every night.


I told her the navy would not allow him to do that, but that I sure wish that that was possible. I used to say and think it never hurts to ask. I may have alter my position on this after her precious question.



                                                                             DRIVING DAD CRAZY                  

                                                                                                            



I enjoy my conversations with soon to be drivers. Some have just received their permit. Some have their license and are just giddy about their newfound freedom.


As an ice breaker, I will often ask them a question. I ask if there was a new law and the fine state of Indiana would give them a free brand-new vehicle, what would they ask for?


I get all kinds of answers. Some know exactly what they would ask for brand, size, shape and color. Many stammer around and have no clue and have never given any thought to this. I am amazed by how many young girls will choose pick-up trucks these days. Some only want a dependable ride that can give them reliable transportation. I had one young man tell me about a car that I had never heard of. I found later it sells for about 750,000 dollars. He planned to sell it buy a muscle car and but to put the rest money into the bank.


When time allows, I will often tell them about a story when I was about to get my own license. My dad would take me on the backroads around Bristow. He would let me drive his Buick centurion. 


One evening, he asked me a question as we hit the road. he asked what I would do if a beer bottle was in the road and a car was coming, what would I do. I explained I would slow down or stop and after the car passed drive around the bottle and proceed down the road. Dad seemed satisfied with my answer.


About a mile or two down the road a car was coming, and a 16 oz glass Pepsi bottle was in our lane, and a car was coming towards us. I did not slow are stop and ran right over the pop bottle. My dad went off on me like a bottle rocket. For my dad, I am sure it was a mind bottling experience. ;) He went through the roof, and I thought he was going to make his Buick into a convertible!


I have always tried to use humor to defuse times of anger and confrontation. He asked me why I didn't what I said I would do when he laid out this very same scenario earlier. I told him that I knew what do if it was a beer bottle, but this was different. It was a Pepsi bottle. Humor does not always work and sometimes can even make things worse ... much worse. This was one of those times.