TRUE GRIT

When I was a young boy, I sold Grit newspapers. The paper cost 35 cents and I got to keep 7

 cents for every paper sold. I had a green bike, and I had my regulars who took one every week. I also had extra for anyone who would enter our small town. 

We had two stores and a tavern. The mill was also a source of people coming and going and my eyes were moving even as I was resting looking for new clients. I had no idea that this would help me later in life with my profession. I get a new boss every few minutes and have no clue what to expect. Some are a true delight and others well let's just be nice and call them rascals.

One rascal I encounter years ago was a big fat man at the Bristow mill. He was wearing blue jean suspenders, and he did not have a shirt underneath. Several of the mill workers were gathered around. 

I rode up to him and asked this big man if he wanted to buy a copy of the paper. He wiped the tobacco juice running down his chin as he looked at me. he answered my question with a question. He said, "What am I gonna do with your little paper, wipe my butt?" He did not use the word butt but I knew what he meant. The mill workers laughed at his answer.

I was embarrassed. This had never happened before. I leaned over to the left still on my bike and looked as if studying his backside. I said," If that is what you need to do, I think you better buy two or three."

The guys at the mill roared in laughter at my response. The big man's face turned beat red. I quickly rode away. He gave me a good cussing, and I looked back and smiled at pedaled away. In case you are wondering, he did not purchase any papers that day!

This is one time I got the last word in, and it felt good. Over the years I worked hard to sharpen my wit as well as my tongue. Sadly, I have used my words as a weapon and walked away wishing I had kept my big mouth shut. As I have gotten older, I am working to learning not to say what is on my mind. I am on a quest to dull the sharpness of my tongue and try to make my words help and heal instead of causing hurt. I have made some progress, but I still have a long way to go! 

Temper is a quality that at a critical moment brings out the best in steel and the worst in people.

                                                                                                                                   William P. Grohse

Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken.                                                                                                                                                                                                    Orson Rega Card

                                                             A FUNNY BUTT PAINFUL MEMORY

There is a small creek on the south side of Bristow. It was where I spent many hours as a young boy. If my mom would tell us supper would be in thirty minutes, I would take off and hunt with my trusty BB gun hoping to shoot at a turtle of even better a snake.

My childhood doctor was Dr. Fred Smith. His parents owned the mill and often he would come out to visit them on Sunday evenings. He always had big, nice cars and he was revered by me, and I looked up to him with respect and awe.

Doc and his wife Tina had three kids. Their oldest was a girl. The boys were about my age and often they would stay a week with their grandparents in the summer. We would fish, ride horses, and swim in the creek on hot summer days.

One hot summer day Jay Scott, and I took a dip near the bridge. We were playing in the water like a couple of otters. A man up on the bridge started yelling at us and ordered us out of the water. He then stormed down the bank and gave us a butt chewing and spanked us both. It was Jay's dad, and my hero Dr. Smith. This was back in the good old days when you could not only spank your own kids but other kids as well!

He was yelling as he swatted us with his big hand, He was scolding us because we were swimming right where the big sewer pipe dumped waste into the creek. As he was working on me, he said the word hygiene. It was the first time I had ever heard that word. I looked up towards the bridge thinking he was saying hello to a lady named Jean during my butt whupping.

I was a pall bearer a few years ago with Jay Scott, my childhood friend. We chucked as we relived the story.  I joked that I wish I knew the Hippocratic oath back then. A doctor had to promise to heal and never cause harm to his patients. Now that I am older, I now understand often a doctor has to hurt patients before he can help them (i.e. surgery. Doc made a lasting impression on us both and we have not swum right there since.

                      Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but one who loves them is careful

                      to discipline them.                                                          Proverbs 13:24

                     Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.

                                                                                                                    Charles R. Swindoll

                                                                               I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND

From time to time I run into my childhood friend, Billy Aders. He grew up in the house next to me and we would talk after "lights out "with walkie talkies. We did many things together and rode our bikes together almost daily.

My bike was green and had three speeds. It had big butterfly handlebars. Billy's bike also had 3 speeds and was more of an aqua in color. It had strange shaped handlebars that came straight up and gently flared out at the top.

There is a big stair step hill that you come down as you return from Tell City. It was almost impossible to ride up but was a blast to come down. I would guess we were able to approach speeds of 35-40 miles per hour if no brakes were used. We did this many times and bicycle helmets were not existent back then.

I am ashamed to admit it was my idea because it indeed was a very bad one. I suggested we hold hands as we descended into Bristow. Maybe we could blame it on the Beatles and their number one hit song. Billy agreed and we locked hand and to our surprise we locked handlebars! My big handlebars went right over the bars on his bike. Now mind you we were not going as fast as normal, but we both knew this was going to hurt.

It was one of those weird things in life that happens lightning fast and in slow motion at the same time. As I recall Billy's bike fell to the right and I was pulled down and flew over him. Because of our speed we slid a long way on the asphalt before stopping. Praise God there was no broken bones. There were no tears but there was a lot of pain and blood secondary to road rash.

Billy's uncle Frankie was the first to come along. He helped Billy and put his bike in the trunk of the car and took him home.  I refused his help and wanted to be alone. I was trying to process both what just happened and why in the world did I suggest that stupid idea. I could not ride my bike either because the front wheel was all screwed up. I walked it home while holding the front time off the ground.

Billy is still one of my most cherished friends. Often, we will reminisce shared memories and it seems the bike crash is eventually brought up.  Every time we get together, the visit always starts and ends with a big ole bear hug. To this very day, we have not held hands since.

One form of loneliness is to have a memory and no one to share it with.

                                                                                                              Phyllis Rose

It is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up 

the hills and coast down them.                                                  Ernest Hemingway

                                                                              A STROKE OF GENIUS                                                 

There was a man who I thought the world of when I was growing up. He and my dad were friends, and he owned a small store near our home. I would tag along with my dad, and the old man would often give me a piece of candy.

Sometimes I was sent on a pre supper mission from my mom to buy something. The old fellow love to fish and he would ask me if I wanted to see how many he caught that day. He and his wife lived in the back of the house. He had a live well if you will, but it was in a most peculiar place. He would fill the tub in the bathroom with water and keep the fish alive until he had the time to clean them.

I am not sure what happened, but I think the old house burned down. The old couple got a mobile home, and it sat on the same property. I remember how happy they were and gave me a nickel tour when I went to visit.  As we neared the bathroom, I wondered if any fish would be in the tub. The tub was clean the entire trailer smelled brand new. The bathroom did not smell like fish as before and I think his wife put a stop to his old ways when they moved into the new trailer.

He told one time that his wife was wanting to get a new car. Their old one was jet black. She wanted a yellow one. He told me they could not afford one, but he had an idea. One day I looked across the street and saw something I had not seen before or have seen since. The old fellow had a stroke of genius. He took matters into his own hands. The old guy was sitting on a five-gallon bucket. He had a paint brush in hand and was painting the car by hand the brightest color of canary yellow you could ever imagine.

They never did upgrade their car. If you were up close, you could see the brush marks on the car. In the distance, you could see them coming a mile off. I feel so blessed to grow up in this little town. I am so grateful for all the colorful people who lived there and made it such a special place. 

                                              A HAIRY SITUATION 

The same ole gent who painted his car by hand loved to eat squirrels. My dad let me start hunting these furry little creatures alone. I had not yet mastered the art of how to properly clean them. I was taught never to kill an animal just for the sake of it.

The old man was up in years and had trouble walking. He was not able to hunt anymore.  His eyesight was poor and his hands were still from age. I came up with a bright idea involving the man with the bright yellow car. My plan was that I would go hunting and give the game to the old fellow and his wife. My dad readily agreed as long as our neighbors were game. They were thrilled and it gave me a feeling of satisfaction to help provide for them.  i

One morning I did very well, I took four squirrels over to them and went back to the house. An hour or so later the old fellow knocked on our door. He expressed his thanks for all my efforts and wanted to do something nice for us in return.  He knew my dad liked to eat squirrels as well. He had cleaned and skinned al four and told me to put them in the fridge in a bowl of water with a little salt.

When my dad got home, I told him about the nice thing they had done for us. My dad seemed really pleased and got up and went to the fridge. He took the bowl over to the sink and slowly examined 

the contents. He shook his head and said we would not be able to eat them.  He told me to take them out and give them to our dog. I was upset and wanted to know why we could not wat them after all his trouble. Dad said, "these squirrels have more hair on them than they did when they were alive!"

                             If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share.

                                                                                                                            W. Clement Stone

                                                                       BLUE HAIRED LADIES

I grew up in a small little white country church up on a hill overlooking our small town. To this day I feel more at home when worshipping in the little churches. If you don't show up, you might get two or three calls after church with people asking if you are ok.

I find with talking to many different people of all denominations we all tend to sit in the same spot each and every week. It seems we were always running late we would sit on the left in the very back row.

In front of us and two seats over to the right was an elderly lady. She was sweet as peaches and nice as could be, but she had blue hair! As a child it seemed every Sunday I would look at her and say she had blue hair. No one could hear me because my mom's had was clamped firmly over my mouth.

As the years went by, I read by Bible and find us Christians are referred to as a peculiar people. It also calls us aliens.   That verse takes me back to my childhood days and we sat week after week behind the blue haired lady. I sat behind her but did not know there was a reason behind her choice of hair color

I have seen other blue haired gals over the years and some in the office. I never understood this until I was in Optometry school. The professor explained a mature cataract drastically changes our perception of color. When you see a blue haired lady, she has a big cataract that is close or past surgery criterion. These old gals want their hair to be silver. The hairdresser cannot for her life cannot get it right. Finally, when she makes the hair blue to the rest of us, grandmother looks in the mirror and declares she nailed it.

I love when things we cannot fully understand come into focus when we realize the reason behind it. I have had many gals cut my hair down through the years. I have yet to run across one that knows this. It seems that every beauty school would cover this and explain why they will not be able to see eye to eye. They should warn the students and tell them to do blue when they do not know what to do to satisfy their elderly clients.

                                Never ignore your roots, your home, or your hair.

                                                                                                       Dolly Parton

                                Gray hair is a crown of glory: it is gained by a righteous life.

                                                                                                                      Proverbs 16:31

                                Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you.                                                                                                                                                                           Isaiah 46:4

                                Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers in this world to abstain from the                                                sensual urges that wage war against the soul.                   1 Peter 2:11

                                                     THERE'S SNOW WAY                                                                          

I was sick a lot as a young boy. I was a lot better after my tonsils were removed. My mom watched over my coming and goings and made sure I got enough rest.

We were off school and our spirits were high. We all got on our sleds instead of the bus. It was a cold clear morning. The snow that had fallen and called school to be off was just perfect for sled riding.

We had been out for several hours, and it was time for lunch. We all gathered at my house and mom whipped up a wonderful meal. I announced that when we finished lunch we would all go outside and sled ride again. My mom told me that they could do whatever they wanted but that was enough for me.

She was on the other side of the table. I was not please by being out ranked and having my plans scuttled. There was this new thing that had just come out. You would close your fist and leave your middle finger up. I scratched my forehead with my middle finger. My buddies all giggled and laughed.

My mom would have no idea what this meant. I was wrong! She walked from the far side off the table over to my side. She was a very pretty woman. She had an almost angelic smile on her face as she approached. She slapped the smile off my face and into the next room.   Usually, she waited until my dad came home to discipline me. This time she took things into her own hands or hand if you will. My buddies got up and ran for their lives and out the door. It a strong impression on us all especially me on my cheek.  That was the first and only time that I ever flipped off my mom.

               The joy that is felt at the sight of new fallen- snow is inversely proportional 

                to the age of the beholder.

                                                                                                                                                Phil Sweeney

                                                                                                    A ZEBRA IN JASPER

A little boy was in the exam chair years ago. I was impressed by his maturity. His ability to 

articulate was impressive. I enjoyed him and was asking questions about his vision. I asked him

if he thought he was able to see well. He replied, 'most of the time I can see perfectly but sometimes I cannot see anything.

This answer was very unusual and quite concerning. There is a rare heart related problem and from time the vision dims and sometimes goes out for a few seconds. His answer caused my heart to beat a little faster as I was trying to remember the name of this phenomenon. Kids who have this just think it is normal because that is normal for them.

Sometimes the more you know about something, the facts can mislead you. As I was talking with him, I was remembering always think horses and mules but do not forget about zebras.

It possible to have a zebra in our office front yard if a circus truck would have a wreck going by but quite unlikely. Could this be a once in a lifetime case and it was indeed a zebra. I was overthinking and I knew it, but I was concerned about this little guy.

I asked him how often this happens. He explained it happens every day. He said it had not occurred since he got up that morning. I asked him to describe how it happens. He said I can even make it happen. I am thinking perhaps exertion running or playing. He said every time he closed his eyes he couldn't see a thing. This little guy took me all the way around the barn!

He had no clue he was teaching me how to phrase and ask better questions. I was feeling a little" zoolish." Cases like this is where you earn your stripes. I was relieved this little guy was ok and explained we all have a little touch of this.

                                                                                                               TRUE BLUE

When we check a young child's eyes, we always do a color vision test and a stereo test. Most children pass this with flying colors. Once in a while we are the first to find a child has color blindness. We try not to use this term because there is not blindness with it in any form. Color deficiency is a better term. It just means the child's eyes have trouble determining normal colors.

When we discover this, I spend a little more time talking with the parent. I explain it is fairly common. It will come into play only in life that certain occupations involving color will not be an option for them. For instance, many of the wires an electrician uses are color coded. Pilot need this to look down at an airfield and the different colors help them safely land the plane. In my class in Optometry school, two of my own classmates had this. They do these same test in their offices, but they have just memorized the answers.

Is thought about 5 out of 100 boys have this and 1 in 100 girls. There are 3 levels of this, and many people will go their entire lives not knowing they have a problem. I have stumbled into this before during the red- green test and they cannot tell the two colors apart. Many are quite surprised and wonder how they did not ever know this. I often explain they may see a blue and call it that, but it never has been true blue as the rest of us view it. The same applies to other colors as well.

I have a book at home I read years ago. It tells of some of the greatest artist this world has known might have had certain visions issues. We all are in awe of their impressionism, but they might have just be painting as they saw it!

Those of us with normal color vision do not realize how blessed we are. I think we will see so many different colors in heaven we will realize we are a little color blind as well. I myself have seen a few variations of colors not normally seen in the color spectrum while here on earth. You see, I ran an amusement park ride that spins people around at a high rate of speed. When they were teaching me how to run this ride, I was not paying attention. I was looking at a mop and bucket nearby and was wondering why they were close by. It seems that when I share this, everybody figures this out way before me. You would be surprised to see the colors that come out from a little boy who has had 3 drinks, a hotdog, a hamburger or two, and a cotton candy when you spin him around! After a while, I could spot a puker a mile off.

                                                                                   A COLORFUL ANSWER 

My favorite color is a dark red so I guess that would be marron. I read somewhere that is a person's least favorite color if stranded on a desert island. I also read that 81 % of the population will either say red or blue is their favorite color. If you ask men, the chances of him saying red are higher. We should guess blue if asking a female.

One time years ago, I asked a little girl, and her wonderful answer still lingers in my mind to this day.

She listed about 30 things and so quickly it was as if she had been tipped off about the question she would be asked.

She said I love blue skies, green grass, brown horses, yellow flowers, purple bikes, ...... She went on and on and I remember only the first few, but it seemed she had used almost all the colors we know. I set there in amazement and watched her with wide eyed wonder as she pulled up her list.

I have greatly thought about the depth of her answer. Come to think about it, the thought of marron grass or marron horses does not sound too appealing to me. So, I still answer marron when asked but I like her answer and way of thinking much better than my own.

                                                                          MAKING YOUR OWN LUCK

When I was in school, it seemed I always had a full afternoon of patients before I had a big test the next day. One of my friends seemed to have the best luck and all his patients would no show so he could sit in his exam room quietly, snicker and study. This seemed to me to be far more than luck. He shared his little trick with me. He would write fictious names as his patients. He knew they would not show because they did not exist.

I saw a similar trick years ago in my own office. It seems I have always had an "eye" for patterns. One of 

my girls sat at the front desk and scheduled patients. It seemed all of a sudden, we were very slow. I mean I was using deodorant, so I did not seem to be the one running people off. 

I had a feeling the gal upfront was not being up front with me when I questioned the slow roster. I had a friend call in and try to make an appointment. I said if she tells you we have not appointments available ask for her name.  She was hesitant to do so but revealed her name. We caught a fish on the very first cast. We had a few open spots that day and she told the call in we were full. I called her into my office, and I told her what had just went down.  I sat her down and explained how this was hurting the cash flow of the office and let her go after a short chat. I quoted an old country phrase that says the wicked are surprised when they find the good can be clever too. She seemed unfazed but I think she was sorry only because she was caught.

As they say on television wait there is more. She was dating at that time a metal worker. One morning, my girls called early in the morning and could not get into the office. Someone had put a liquid that would turn into metal in all the locks front and back. We were locked out of our own office. 

As luck would have it our first patient was a policeman. He was also a mechanic and had the door off the hinges in no time. 

                                                                  HEADING FOR HOME

 I am sitting in a very crowed restaurant in Gatlinburg Tennessee having a heart breakfast. It was a holiday weekend and a time to get away and relax. I was with my family, and I get a call on my phone. The caller was the Jasper police dept.  This could not be good, and my wife knew the look on my face had gone from blessed to stressed. 

I called them back and wondered what was going on back home. I wonderful young policeman that one

of my patients had gone to the office that Saturday morning. He saw we were closed and all the lights were off. However, when he pulled on the door it was not locked. He was honest and went the extra mile and had called the police and I will be grateful and thankful it was him and not someone dishonest.

A big tricolor paint taught me the meaning off barn sour when I was a boy.  My dad and a friend named Joe Lasher watched as I went out across the pasture. My legs were tired as he slowly made his way away from his owner, his friends, and the barn. When I turned to head home, it was all I could do to settle him down. 

I have found we all can be a little barn sour. I doubt if anybody ever gets a speeding ticket on their way to work. Many mistakes in medical offices occur in the evening. Friday evenings are the worst because we all are thinking about going home before it is time to go home. We have to discipline ourselves to stay focused until we leave.

My girls were all giddy and read to celebrate a long weekend. Spirits were high and I am sure they were all laughing and talking as they headed through the office door without using their heads. I was not as mad and upset as the girls thought that I would be. I hope we can all be disciplined to rein in our emotions when we are excited. We need to keep an open mind but there is a need as well to sometimes be close minded.

                                                                                                      WHAT THE "L" ?                                                                                                                   

One of the routine tests during an eye exam is to check peripheral field. We give the patient a cover paddle and have them cover one eye. We put one finger in front and wiggle our other finger off to the sides, below, and above. This is then repeated with the opposite eye. It is best to have the patient hold the paddle with the same hand as the eye being tested. This keeps the paddle flat and does a better job of occluding the eye not being tested.

I am amazed down through the years how many people have trouble with left and right even adults. They get the deer in the headlight look when I ask them to hold the paddle in a certain hand. I always test the right eye first. I hold out the paddle and ask the patient to hold it in their left eye. 

A few years ago, I gave these same instructions to a young boy. He put both hands out in front of him with only his thumb and index fingers out. He pointed both index fingers up and both his thumbs were pointing in and towards each other. He did not reach for the paddle. A big wide smile came over his face, and he snatched the paddle from me in his left hand.

I was intrigued and asked him what he just did. He shared with me some very handy advice his first-grade teacher had taught them. When we do this the thumb and index finger on the left hand make the letter "L" for left. if you see the" L" you know you have the right ... excuse me correct hand. This was really cool and here I was in my sixties, and I had never heard of his. I have had several kids do this since. I don't have to ask now what the" L" they are doing.

                                                                                                        HERE' S THE KICKER

I must admit I do not and never did understand the rules of soccer. Even when our boys were young, I understood when a goal was scored, but that was about it. I would clap when the other parents would clap, but I had no clue. I felt like at a woman at a football game. I apologize to the few gals that love and understand football, but I think they are a minority.

About a year or so ago, I had a cute little Hispanic boy in for his first eye exam. He had on soccer shoes, soccer shoes and shirt with high socks. I would guess he either had a game or practice later that evening. 

I was looking for a good ice breaker to get him to relax and warm up to me. I asked him who he thought was the best soccer player in the world. He had seemed a little nervous before. After my question, the look on his face changed and it seemed he was pissed at me. My question had offended this little guy and soon I found why. He explained to me under no uncertain terms that he was the best soccer player in the entire world. The rest of the visit went very well. I could not wait to talk to his mom out in the hallway after finishing up with him. I thought she would get a big kick out of this as well. she laughed and said that sounded just like him.

I thought that Messi or Renaldo were possibly the best in the world. Here is the kicker. The best player in the world lives right here in Jasper Indiana. If you don't believe me, just ask him.

                                                                                                                   HOW HAPPY

Something cool and funny happened a few years ago. I saw a young man who was a college junior. I asked his major. He had changed three different times. One could tell by talking with him that he was off the charts smart. He simply could not decide what he wanted to do. Everything came easy to him. He was frustrated and his parents even more so. He told me he wished someone would decide for him. 

I told him I know what you should do. He looked up and said", Just say it and I am on it." He was quick as a whip and seemed up for playful banter. I said," You need to go on to be an Indian chief." He replied, That's it.! I am so glad I came to see you today and I am glad now I can get on with my life. His face fell when I added that it was not that easy. We now have to narrow down our search by deciding what tribe he needed to pursue. We both laughed and were both surprised how we did this skit off the cuff.

After his exam, I slipped out in the hallway to share the good news with his mother. I told her his eyes were healthy and we had figured out what he should be. She said she was so relieved. 

I explained he was going on to be an Indian chief. She laughed and said she did not care as long as he was happy. I made a pun without meaning to do so. I said," It is not that easy. He has reservations."

                                                                NEW SHIRT PLEASE

In the spring the topic of gardening often comes up. I often ask what the patients favorite thing to eat and enjoy. I get a variety of answers, but the number one answer is by far is tomato. That

would be my answer as well. There is something about a big red ripe tomato grown in Indiana 

soil that is beyond words.

I am a country boy. Every aptitude test I took showed that I like being outside. I picked an occupation where I am inside an office without windows.  Often, we tend to overcompensate when we are deprived of something. That is why I stay outside until it is dark and hate to come inside even then.

Many times, in late summer I come home for lunch and let our dogs out. I will often walk around the yard with them. I will walk over to our raised tomato bed and pick a big red tomato. My wife is not there to fuss at me to clean it off. I will just take a big bite out of it as if eating an apple. I have lost count of the number of times I came back after lunch, and my girls notice and ask why I am wearing a different colored shirt!

Those red things they have in the grocery store do not explode like the real deal. I often kid patients and tell them I almost prefer the wax fruit on the bar over those.

                                                                                              AIRBORN DIVISION

I was very blessed to grow up with a wonderful mother. She worked very hard at several jobs to pay for my schooling. I could write a book about her, but I am sure reader would believe my stories were true.

Mom liked to drive fast. She always ran late and was always trying to make up time by excess speed. One time our oldest son, Josh, son stayed overnight with my parents. He was around five years old. Sunday morning Mom took him with her down to the small country church she attended. I went down on Sunday evening to pick him up and bring him home. As we were driving back, I asked him his favorite thing about staying with my parents. He said it was going to church with Nana. I was so pleased until he explained as they were going to church, she went over a hill, and he hit his head on the top of the car. I know just the place he was talking about.  Nana was doing crazy driving stunts long before the Dukes of Hazzard came along!

There was a lady who was the worst driver in our county. She drove like an idiot and has passed me before like I was going backward. This same gal came up to me in a store and complained about my mom's bad driving. She said my mom passed her on a double yellow line on a blind curve going up a hill. I knew she was no longer the worst and been

surpassed my mom who was now first.

After graduation setting up my office, I was honored to check my mom's eyes. She was one of my first patients. She reported that everything was blurry when she was driving. She was not amused with my joke as I explained it was like that for all of us in a car going that fast!

                                                                               TO SEE OR NOT TO SEE                                                                                                                

Our office is on a state road on the south side of town. We bought the property in 1990

and had spaces available to rent. I knew this was in a great location because I had read a book about McDonalds. It told how many hours this restaurant chain studies traffic patterns before it builds there. They have spent thousands of dollars so if you locate near them, you can be assured it is in a good location. We are right across the street from them and when people are waiting on their food, they are looking right at our office. Maybe as they have to stop and wait on their food, they will think about how long since their last eye exam. We are not sure how it all works ,but it could be food for thought.

We have a nice yard and landscaping and do our best to keep it looking tight and bright. On the north side we have had a problem with people cutting the corner and running in our yard as they leave an auto parts store. I bought a 1/2-ton rock to put there to keep this from happening. It has been up less than 6 months and twice has been hit and drug out into the street. The company called me and asked if I wanted a bigger rock perhaps a ton.

These are some very bad drivers or perhaps people who are in need of our services. I thought about putting my card on the rock to remind them to think about seeing me since they did not see the rock.

                                                                                            HARD TO PASS UP

It was probably about my sixth or seventh year of practice when something weird happened. I was between patients and was at my best. My assistant had an unusual look on her face as she came through the door. She said there was a young man out front who wanted to sell me his contacts!

She slightly smiled and my mine went through a list of possibilities. She was pulling my leg. I knew it was not April 1st. The crew from Candid Camera was in Jasper and I would soon the host of the popular television show. There is no way this could be legit.

She went on to explain he was from the Boston area and was traveling across the country. He was out of gas and money. He wanted to sell them to use the funds for gas to continue on his trip. He said they were hard lenses and he did not wear them that often. They fit well and he could see very well with them and were only three years old. I did not go out and talk with him but passed on this incredible deal. I never regretted not making the purchase. I do regret not giving him some money to help him out and continuing his quest.

The type of hard lenses he wore are very special and custom made for each individual eye. The right and left eye prescription are usually much different. Besides you cannot sell used contacts to another. 

                                                                                     THE LADY I DOGGED

As an ice breaker, I will ask patients about their pets. Our pets are very near and dear to us. This often will help a patient settle down if they seem to be nervous. I almost ask the name of names of the pets if they have more than one.

I did this once and the lady told me her dog's name was" Deeogee". I envision a little friendly dog with   a lot of tail wagging. I really liked this name and I told her so. I dogged her to find the source of that name. I asked if she got it from a book or from possibly a movie. She smiled and cocked her head sideways like a collie told me to say it slowly.  I said, D..O..G. I laughed out loud. She had blown that past me like a 98 mile per hour fastball. 

I went home that evening and told my wife about it. I said if we lived next to her, I might see her little dog doing his thing in our yard. I would tell my wife that little "Deeogee " is pooping in our yard again and have no clue what I was saying.

                                                                                  SPREAD THE NEWS                                                                                                            

Years ago, I was in the exam room with a big rough looking biker dude. He had all Harley Davidson gear boots and all. He had several tattoos and a full beard. Motorcycles were his passion and at that time I had a bike, and we swapped a few riding stories. He was very nice and we seemed to hit it off.

After I checked his eyes, I gave the rundown of my findings. I explained he was near sighted and that had gotten a little worse. I needed to bump up his prescription. I explained that in the past he did not have astigmatism but now we were finding a little in both eyes. With the new RX I was able to get him to see 20/20 far away and near in both eyes.

His face changed at that instant as he crossed his muscular arms and looked very angry.

His smile was long gone, and he did not say a word. Something I had said was not well received. I asked him if he was ok and he did not respond. After a long pause He raised his eyes and eyes starred right at me. 

I will leave out all the colorful words and expletives that followed. In short, he told me why he had become so bent out of shape. He told me the girls name that he had been dating. She had astigmatism and he realized must have got that from her.

I had to bite a hole in my lip and was straining to keep a straight face. Laughing out loud right then would be a very bad idea. I knew I had to explain this quickly and thoroughly to perhaps save a young girl's life. I had to talk him down and explain that astigmatism just means his eyes have changed shape. I went on to explain to him there are many sexually transmitted diseases, but astigmatism is not one of them.

                                                                                         JUST SPITBALLING

I have asked patients before a certain question. Now, I would like to present it to you. If the license plate on the car in front of you said 1R2, what would you think? A few will get it and they know it has something to do with optometry. The owner of the car is an Optometrist. Most don't have a clue.

I always joke that if one has the ability to count to two, you have what it takes to be an eye doctor. Anyone who has an eye exam knows during the testing we present two images and ask which of the two is clearer.

When you do this testing, it is amazing how some people are really good at this and is a breeze and we can come up with a new prescription in a few minutes. Some people cannot even tell if the room lights are on or off! It is interesting because smart people are often very poor responders. Instead of going with their gut, they are trying to describe what they see rather than letting me know which presentation is best as instructed.

I have often joked that I think Jesus is the father of the field I am in. I made this assumption because of one of the healings of a man's eyes found in Mark chapter 8 in the Bible. It is the only partial healing in the Bible. All the other healings he did happened instantly.

Jesus rubbed his spit on the man's eyes and then placed his hands on the man's eyes. He asked the man to describe what he saw. The man said it was better, but people looked like trees walking around. Jesus put his hands upon his eyes again and his sight was fully restored. Jesus started this whole thing of asking, which is better, one or two.

I have thought about this story many times and will always wonder why it was done in two steps.  I use many different medicines to treat various eye problems. I never have tried using my spit so far. I know that I would get a no with that question and it would most likely rub them the wrong way.   

                                                      THE CADUCEUS CROSS REFERENCE

In my office I have a paper weight on my desk. It has the image of a caduceus. Right now, you may be wondering what that is. If I could show you an image right now you would easily recognize it. You have seen it many times on doctors' offices and hospitals. Even if you have seen it, I would bet most has no idea this medical symbol can be traced back to a Bible story.

God had put pressure on the Pharoh to let his people go. They were trapped as Red Sea prevented their escape. The Lord blew back the sea and God's people saw one of the Bible's greatest miracles. God led his people through the bottom of the sea on dry ground! If that was not enough, he allowed the pillar of fire that had blocked the army from chasing them to cease. The Egyptian army also went down into the sea in pursuit.  God waited until all the people of Isreal were safely across. He then commanded the sea to crash upon   the Egypt's army and drowned men, horses and their chariots. Not long afterward, the people complained about eating only bread and water and the Lord's anger was kindled. He caused poisonous snakes to be released to kill many. The people were sorry and prayed God to stop the snake bites. They asked Moses to pray for them as well and he did. God told Moses to make a serpent of brass wrapped around a pole. If his people who were bitten would look at it, they would be healed and would not die. 

This is the story of how the caduceus stands to represent a healer. There is a very strong 

correlation to the cross of Christ. Satan is seen as a serpent who fooled Adam and Eve and caused a curse on all mankind. If we would humble ourselves and look to the cross and ask Jesus to save us from our sins, he will.

                                                   CALL OF THE SEE

I am an Optometrist. I answered the call of the" see "over forty years ago. My wife, Kim, and I started the practice cold in 1985. My office first opened on 8/07/85.

At IU I had a professor who was also a close friend. One day he asked me to voice his concerns. He had heard I was thinking inking about locating in a small town called Jasper. He told me the town itself was up to its eyeballs in Optometrist. He also pointed out I was not German, Catholic, and was not a beer drinker. He asked me to rethink this.

They say you find what you look for. Kim was a wonderful help getting the practice off the ground. She has always had a great personality. People were drawn to her, and it set the tone for great visit. We did work our tails off. However, we give the glory, praise and thanks to God.  He allowed us to meet people who could help us along the way. It was by his hand alone that allowed us to be successful. Truly the odds were 

against us, but God gave us favor and was for us.

Early on I had an elderly man with a thick German accent. We seemed to hit it off. After the exam and as he was leaving, he paused at the door. He thanked me for giving him a through exam and explaining things well. He told me he really liked me and that he would be back next year. Then he gave me some advice as well. He said I should think about going down to the courthouse and changing my last name from Gordon to Gordonhuesen! 

                                                                                   FOOD FOR THOUGHT

We own big brick building in which practice. It used to be a hamburger restaurant. We gutted the burger joint and built two wings onto the original building. My office if off to one side and the other wing houses two renters which has been a big plu$ over the years.

I am an avid reader. Years ago, I read a book that was well worth it and in turn paid big dividends. It was about the McDonalds chain called Behind the Arches. It was very interesting but from it I gleaned a great real estate tip. It explained how before they locate, they spend thousands of dollars on high traffic studies. The take home point was that if you set up shop close to them you are in a great location. 

Knowing this, I was quick to pull the trigger to buy this property. Our office is directly across from the big yellow arches. People are looking at our office while they are waiting at the drive thru. I hope it has made a few people think about how long it has been since their last eye appointment and given them food for thought.

                                                                               HOPE I GET CATARACTS

Much of my day is spent talking about cataracts. We see many baby boomers and the number symptom is glare from headlights. As we age the crystalline lens in the human eyes darkens. Because of this people notice they find themselves looking for light. It is like wearing sunglasses inside the house. They know there is a film and are always cleaning their glasses. They are spot on that there is a smudge on their lenses, but it is the crystalline lens and is not a spot on their eyeglasses. 

I have a model of the human eye. Often, I will ask a patient to put their finger through the pupil. Then I show them the model lens which in actual size looks just like an M and M. I then explain it looks like a clear M and M when we are children. It gradually gets more yellow as we age. It goes on to a light yellow, then a darker yellow and on to almost a dark orange. It is in a person's fifties they notice changes in the way they see. In diabetics and smokers this can occur much earlier in life.

I have had men and women shed tears when I tell them they have cataract. When I was a young man, I always said I hope I would get cataracts someday. I will explain we all get them if we live long enough. I said that hoped God would allow me to live long enough to earn my set. God answered that prayer and I have had cataract surgery and have implants in both eyes. All I had to go on before was what I had been taught. I am a better doctor now because I have been through the entire process. There is nothing to it these days and is a modern-day miracle. I do my best try to put patients at ease. The surgery takes about eight to nine minutes, and I share they should worry more about having a tooth removed.  

                                                                                            BLUE SEEN AS GREEN

It is always fun to see patients the next day after cataract surgery. They almost blush when I ask how many times, they went back and forth between eyes. They have a side-by-side comparison and are surprised how clear they can see with their new eye. Now what was their best eye 24 hours later is terrible.

When I had my eyes worked on, I did the same exact thing. I was down in a small church in my hometown on a Sunday morning. The preacher had a little yellow on his tie. I kept looking at his tie comparing how different it looked through the eye with the cataract. I did this and thought I was distracting the preacher.  He was looking right at me wondering what was wrong with me. I quit at once also fearing he might have thought I was hitting on him!

I had to go back for follow ups on my own eyes after surgery. It is an easy drive about an hour away on the Interstate. About halfway is a Cracker Barrel we like to frequent from time to time. It was the one week follow up visit on my left eye. Everything was sharp clear and pristine. I was looking forward to having the other eye surgery in about a week.

Inside the restaurant, there was some steel blue shutters as a decoration. As we waited on our food. I again tested my eyes and used the shutters as a target. The eye with my implant looked blue. When I looked at the shutters with the cataract eye, it looked green. I thought

back on what we were taught about primary colors in grade school. The operated eye showed the shutters as they were. The eye looking at something blue through a cloudy yellow lens as seen as green. The was indeed a verified fact blue and yellow make green.

                                                                   GOOD MAN BAD ADVICE                   

Years ago, I was sharing aa story that had just happened over the weekend. The boys were all young and still under our roof. Kim and I had gotten into a very heated argument. There was no gunfire or anything like that, but the boys saw and heard too much.

My wife's grandpa Pete Markel was an awesome man. I adored him and he was like a grandpa to me. He surprised me once and offered a little marital advice. He went on to say it takes two flints to make a fire. He added it often takes more courage to walk away from a fight than to stay and make it worse. One flint cannot make a fire so if it gets hot ...get out. This has been great advice, and I have heeded it more than once.

I shared the tale of the weekend riff. I told him I walked out per Pete's advice. As I walked past the boys, I told them everything is still of. I told them I loved their mother and always will. I plan to be buried beside her and sleep in Jesus if she allows. However, that day, we did not like each other.

After sharing this story, this man who is a good man chastised me. He said all disagreements should be behind closed doors and if there is tension never let the kids see or know about it. I was polite and I was respectful. I thanked him but feel deep in my heart to this day this good man gave me some really bad advice!

The very best of unions will have days and situations like this. When young married couples clash, they will not know how to work through it unless they have been taught.

                                                 THE QUESTION THAT LEFT US IN STICHES

There are several occupations that start with the letter O. This can cause a lot of confusion at times. I am often asked what the difference between an Optometrist and an Ophthalmologist is. My answer is simply about 2 million dollars per year.

I was with a patient in the exam room when one of my assistants opened the door. She 

had a puzzled look on her face. This was long before HIPPA laws. She said the patients name and was relaying a question for her. She was new and of course this should have been put on the back burner and discussed between patients and in private.

She said the patient wanted to know if I thought it was time to remove her stiches from down there. I smiled at the patient. I said that I do not remember putting any stiches in her anywhere.  I have a set of stirrups, but they are on my saddle at home. I added if I did, we better get them out right away and I needed to stop drinking! We still are not sure who shot J.F.K. now this mystery.

I asked my assistant to call her back and ask if perhaps she had called the wrong office. In town there was another doctor whose first name was also Greg. However, he is a Obstetrician. This indeed was the case. The caller was so embarrassed. The stiches were removed and I was not sued.

I will never let her forget this. If I see her at the grocery store or in the office, I always ask about those stiches. She still comes to see me. She knows that at some point I will bring up the stiches she had down there. 

                                                                                                   OH BROTHER

Years ago, I had a very strange that threw me a loop. I fit a young man with soft contacts. I had him zeroed in and he seems well pleased. I was to see at a follow up a week later. Two days later he called in and claimed he could not see out of them and was rude to my office girls. We were up to our eyeballs in eyeballs that day, but I carved a spot for him.

My first thought was that he had his contacts switched but they were close to the same Rx. If he had switched them, I doubt he would be able to tell any difference. 

His vision was way off from was expected. Perhaps he was a diabetic and had a drastic sugar shift. I took out the lenses and did a full exam and got the same prescription I had two days earlier. I was perplexed to say the least. We put two lenses exactly like he had and again he saw perfectly. How did the lenses fail to provide vision one day and not the next. I was still scratching my head as he went out the door. Again, I asked him to see me in a week and let me know if he had any other issues beforehand.

He called us the very next day and seemed to be in a great mood. He had solved this difficult case. He said his brother had trouble seeing with his contacts the same day. Turns out they both were wearing each other's lenses!  I thought it was funny and so did my patient ...until he got my bill.

                                                                                    THE BULL SESSION

I have been around horses most of my life. My dad got me a pony when I was very young. His plan was to scratch this itch and after I tired of it would sell it. His plan did not work out too well. At present I am 67and have not been without one since. There is something in my soul that comes alive when I am around these magnificent creatures.

My grandpa had a farm outside of Bristow. I learned how to plant, plow and disc at a young age. When this is in your bloodlines, it stays with you. Farmers are surprised to learn of my country boy background. Most of them lower their guard when they hear I grew up on tractors. They smile and agree when I tell them freshly overturned dirt in the spring is one of my favorite smells on earth. 

I know very little about cattle. I am a very curious and I see a lot of farmers in the office. I ask many questions about cattle and have learned several things down through the years.

A cattle farmer told me a story that has stayed with me. He spent a great deal of money and bought a prize bull to add and improve his herd. His plan did not work out too well either. The big bull was nasty, mean, and dangerous. In short, he was very much a bull headed bull!He had to get rid of him before it hurt or killed him or one of his three sons. Besides that, he did not want this bad boy's temperament passed down to his offspring.

Without stopping to think I blurted out," Nasty can be passed down like that? "His response was quick and a little gruff. He snapped; "it works that way with people! Why wouldn't it work that way with cattle? " 

                                                                                                   NOT EYE TO EYE

I have been a serious deer hunter since my teenage years. The first day of deer season is like a major holiday. I am so excited the night before that I can hardly sleep.

Years ago, our office was located in a strip mall. There was an outdoor store off to the right about a hundred yards. They sold gun, knives, and clothing. They also were a deer check in station. Back then between patients, I would walk to our front door and see if any big bucks were being checked in. If I saw a giant rack, I would tell the girls I would be right back.

 I always kid patients wearing camo hats and shirts. I tell them I can hardly focus on my line of work as it is. Pictures of giant antlers cause this eye guy to lose focus. They laugh and have no clue I am not kidding. I kiddingly advise fellow hunters to see me before or after deer season is over to allow me to do my best work.

My girls sometimes get annoyed with me. I tell fellow hunters to drop or stop by if they get a brute. 

I instruct them to drive around the big brick office building and knock on the metal door to the far north. No matter how busy we are, I will step outside to look over a whopper. I consider this an emergency as well. My office girls have never seen eye to eye with me on this one.

our office sits on a very busy state highway. We are located on the southside of town but still is very much in the city. My office is in the very front of the building. There is window off to the north. There is not much of a view as it looks at the wall of an auto parts store. I have planted cedar trees between the two buildings. This to at least allow this old country bumkin to see a little nature and look upon a little greenery when I am at work.

I would say that I have seen 7-8 deer from sitting at my desk over the years. I have yet to see a buck of any size. So far, all have been does. I would say they are only ten feet away from me as they pass by usually left to right. When this happens, I usually call my girls back to share this special treat. In our family, we call these God Winks. There is another reason I do this. I want to make sure they see it as well.  I am relieved and know I am not ready for the loony bin ... just yet!